Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
