I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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