Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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