I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
