Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
