I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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