Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
NoShamevember. You game?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
