my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
