just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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