Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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