would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
