so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
