you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
