I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
