Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
