he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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