we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
