So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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