Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
