3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
