Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
