well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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