we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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