so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
