Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
