i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
