Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
