So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
