I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
