He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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