kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
