My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize