haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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