My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
