I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
