I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
