i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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