I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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