im six kinds of drunk right now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
