Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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