im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
