lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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