maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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