Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
