bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
