i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize