I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
