No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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