Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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