Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
