even my farts smell like vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
