This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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