i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
