I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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