I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize