Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
