i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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