last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
