I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
