see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
