I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
