he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
