i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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