i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize