He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
COCAINE IS GR8
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