Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
