i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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