Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
