i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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